I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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