Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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