12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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