Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
