And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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