genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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