who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
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