Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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