i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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