Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
