I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
