Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
