my sisters under your porch take her home
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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