ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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