I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
accomplished twins. life is a go
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
