he puts the penis in happiness.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
