Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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