I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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