Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
