Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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