I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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