Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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