It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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