I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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