If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
