she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
