Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
well you can't waste a boner
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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