I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
