Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
