Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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