apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
