I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
