Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
