my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
