I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
