The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
