hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my shit smells like andre
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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