Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
