we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
