wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
