Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
