Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
