Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
