i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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