I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
