They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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