You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
