Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
