I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
