I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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